ASK A SLOB (working title)


OKAY HERE WE GO I DONT KNOW WHY BUT I DECIDED TO DOLE OUT SOME ADVICE TO YOU FREAKZ. AND BOY DID I GET A RESPONSE!!!!!!!!!

LARS FALK ASKS: how do i find the hat that’s right for me?

SLOBLIFE: check out a variety of different places! dude, there is a sick hat store on granville island. i mean, duh, obviously expensive but that place has some NASTY ASS SHIT. like, in a good way. you need a mirror though for sure.

LARS FALK AGAIN: where can i buy fireworks after halloween?

SLOBLIFE: i mean, it’s pretty far out there, but check out this locay

LARS FALK: what are the best gold panning spots in canada?

SLOBLIFE: i have no fucking clue. you lookin to get some grillz? thats hot. or you could do this 

(this dude has serious issues)

LARS FALK: How can i make 300 a week from home?

SLOBLIFE:  You have a backyard? Pony rides. A pony will probably cost a lot of money, but i mean, once you have it, it basically pays for itself.

BEN LABELLE SAYS: Dear Lyndsay, my emotional landscape is like a Japanese garden and I’ve pretty much mastered daily life. any new challenges you can recommend to me?

SLOBLIFE: Get yourself a current copy of Guinness World Records go through the ENTIRE thing and try and beat them all. Personally, I am most interested in largest collection of trolls, loudest burp (male), and most drink cans broken with a whip in three minutes. Let me know if you ever finish, and good luck.

JACK POMERANTZ ASKS: If you catch the bird flu is it okay to eat chicken soup?

SLOB LIFE: If you catch the dog flu, is it okay to eat dogs? NO. comon.

PARTIES INTO POTPOURRI ASKS: Dear Sloblife, do you have any ideas on how to turn the dingy mess from a party (Kokanee cans, cigarette butts and empty bags of doritos) into funky home furnishings? Decorating tips, help!

SLOBLIFE: OMG DUH just leave everything where it is! that is how we decorate over here at slob life. Just one thing, do our friend lars falk a favor and give him one empty dorritos bags to wear as a hat.

RODNEY K: What is the preferred drink to offer guests at a slob life party?

SLOBLIFE: This is what you have to do. Get yourself a bedpan (a clean one! I’m not THAT gross). You will use this as a punch bowl. The punch recipe: Two 40’s of OE, a healthy serving of hot sauce (your choice, i prefer Franks Red hot Chili and Lime), pepperoni sticks, and 5 egg yolks. STIR THAT STUFF UP AND SERVE at room temperature, you can garnish with slices of limes if you want. but it’s a bit fancy.

also get these

I HOPE I HAVE BEEN ABLE TO ADD A LITTLE DOSE OF SLOB TO YOUR LIFE. I AM HERE FOR YOU ALWAYS. LET’S DO THIS AGAIN SOMETIME.

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